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For example, giving reasons for being chronically late to meetings or explaining your inability to spend more time with family as being too busy at work are indications that your priorities are out of whack, and realigning them will lead to greater happiness. “We use them to hide our shortcomings from ourselves.

When we stop using reasons to justify ourselves, we increase our chances of changing behavior, gaining a realistic self-image, and living a more satisfying and productive life.” . Start saying “want” instead of “should.” The positive language will help you clarify and prioritize what you really want to be doing at the moment — and it can help you see healthy behaviors you’re not psyched about (you really do want to be eating better) in a motivating way. “Guys especially get the formula for happiness wrong.

Instead, Science says, what is most important is to develop our own personality and have the desire to engage in deep relationships with other people.

Since attractiveness contributes to such spontaneous encounters, if you are looking for a golden rule, you would be disappointed.

We think, “If I can work harder right now, I’ll be more successful, and then I’m going to be happier,” says Shawn Achor, author of the book .

“And it turns out, that’s not true—partly because every time we hit a goal, our brain changes what success looks like, so happiness is on the opposite side of a moving target, and we never get there.

She’s also gone back to her former part-time career, teaching “sexercise” workshops.

Schmit is a speaker, professor, blogger and podcaster on all things sexual.

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